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I took him to Chipotle, to meet my parents, and most importantly…told him something I should have told him from the very beginning. Is this even real life anymore? [This is the epic conclusion (?) to “I Followed My Stolen iPhone Across The World, Became A Celebrity In China, And Found A Friend For Life.”]

Will Varner/BuzzFeed

The hardest thing for me to wrap my head around with this whole saga (I'm calling it a saga now) is that it all happened because I lost my cell phone at a bar. The fact that a lost phone in a bar literally changed my life is actually insane. A LOST CELL PHONE made me famous in China, gave me a trip to China where I was treated like a straight-up deity, and most importantly (and strangely) started a friendship with a middle-aged Chinese man named Brother Orange. My best friend for the past two months is a man named Brother Orange.

Thank you, Steve Jobs!

My iPhone

My last moment in China was like an ending to one of those movies where a normal person gets caught up in some *insane experience* and spends the whole movie killing a pack of aliens or something. They stop at a gas station and they're buying a soda and a Slim Jim when the cashier says, "Hello, young man! How's it going today?" The normal person who literally just killed 100 aliens and saved all of humankind says something like, "Oh, it's been good day." They look to the camera and wink. The scene fades out. "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" plays. *Credits roll*

That's basically what happened to me when I left China...the first time.


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